True Trust

You may notice that I have posted twice today. That would be because I have two themes of thought. My love for organizationcaused me to give each its own post.

“No mom, I’m not looking.”

“No ma’am, I’m not looking.”

“ummm….really, I’m not looking.”

For some reason, no matter how many times or ways I would try to tell people that I wasn’t looking for a man- none of them seemed convinced.

This in turn convinced me that I was somehow giving a very WRONG impression. As far as I could tell- I was completely at peace with the gift of singleness. I loved life. I was trying to live it to the full and completely and utterly enjoy my days of singlehood.

But something was wrong. People were not convinced I was telling the truth. I was confused and hoped that somehow God would enlighten me. He did.

Radar.

What? Yes, radar.

I realized this morning that there is something wrong with saying you trust in God and trying to practice trusting God and then keeping your radar on- all the time.

You know…the radar that keeps you alert wherever you go- alert and attentive JUST in case you MIGHT meet your soul mate. The one that notices and sizes up any man you meet- just in case. The one that masquerades itself as “just being completely open to the Holy Spirit.”

Sorry my little radar. That is not being open. That is being so open you, yourself are controlling your actions. You really are looking. Why? Because you don’t trust that God will let you know in time to catch what could be your ONLY chance. Really now. What if you miss that one chance? God isn’t going to give you another one, right?

Dear me: I don’t think so. That my friend is shallow trust. Very shallow trust. It’s a trust that says it trusts- but really finds a way to provide for itself because it believes the other will fail him.

The truth set me free.

I have decided to turn the radar off. (Along with Britney Spears’ song about keeping the radar on.)

I pray God continues to enlighten me and help me. I know He will. He is faithful and patient and kind.

Here are two websites He led me to that helped me realize these semi-profound thoughts:

www.boundless.org and http://www.futuremarriageuniversity.com/

If nothing else- they have some great articles on living your single life the way God has intended.

I love you all….if you are reading this…Thank you! Merry Christmas!

A Tribure to OPI's Affair in Red Square

Yesterday I painted my fingernails red. Bright Christmas Cherry Red. If you know me- I VERY rarely paint my fingernails because it’s so impractical, time consuming, and seemingly irrelevant to my life. But for some reason- I sat down with 20 minutes to spare and painted my nails. I did it for me. I did it because I wanted to have pretty red fingers. I didn’t care who saw them- all that mattered was that I saw them.

Not even 24 hours later these same flawless bright red nails are chipped (care of the piles of dishes and children). But it doesn’t matter. I know what they once were. What they still are. They are my simple indulgence and joy.

Yesterday, I was my nails. I felt new and freshly painted and all shiny and red. Then life’s daily events and circumstances chipped my shininess. But I know for a fact that God was looking down at His previously amazing paint job, and loving me despite my nicks and chips and smushed red paint. He is faithful. So He sent me a myriad of things to inspire me this morning.

One of them was a reminder of some of my favorite Bible verses. They are as follows- paraphrased and somewhat source-less:

“Love is patient, love is kind…” 1 Cor. 13

“Come to me all who labour and are heavily burdened…”

“Look at the birds of the air, they neither sow nor weep and yet God provides for them…”

“I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” John 10:10

“With God all things are possible…”

“I have plans for you, plans to give you a future and a hope…”

Sometimes I forget what a blessing the Bible can be. Scratch that…too much of the time I forget.


Today God reminded me.

Kelsey's Thoughts

Today I would like to post your thoughts on forgiveness Kelsey.

They are steaming from http://www.sarahmarkley.com/2009/12/2nd-chance/#comments

"I struggle with this more than I wish to admit. For me you hit the nail on the head when you talked about a friend who texts- but I refuse to respond too. The thing with giving someone else grace is that you put yourself out there and you run the risk of getting hurt by that same person over and over again. This is a really tough one for me (and I am sure for many others) because no one wants to get hurt and to be hurt repeatedly by the same person or persons (its the hardest rejection). Why are we so scared of rejection? We reject God all the time and yet He continually gives us the grace of forgiveness-unconditionally. Jesus went as far to die on the cross for us. His friends ran away. JESUS RECEIVED THE ULTIMATE REJECTION! My mom once told me that the only person I hurt is myself when I refuse to forgive. There is a TON of truth in that. I learned that especially this summer and I have tried to remember it in a lot of situations I have found myself in within my own family. I found myself holding onto grudges against the people I care about but can easily say "It's OK" or "I forgive you" to strangers. Why is it so hard to forgive the people you love and care about most? Is there someone you need to forgive even if they don't know it?"

Thanks Kelsey for your beautiful words. Noticed I editted it? Ya, anal grammar and punctuation queen here. Sorry :)

You Choose

Today I’m frustrated. I started being frustrated last night, but then my friends distracted me from my frustrations.

I’m back to being frustrated now.

There’s a chink in my armour.

I’m not going to go into details, but suffice it to say that one of my jobs requires a ridiculous amount of humility that I struggle to possess. An over-par excellence that is almost impossible to fulfill. But I refuse to give up.

Therein lays my frustration. I could just walk away and be done with it all. I want to walk away. End of frustration. But I can not. I will not.

This continual challenge for me to be better, to strive for greater excellence, to meet and exceed almost impossible demands, and to grow to be more humble- this, this is good for me. It hurts, it stings, and it burns. Like crazy. But it’s good for me. I know it’s helping me.

No pain no gain.

Without this continual frustration- I think I would be content with mediocrity.

That is worse than the pain.

So I’m resolved to lower my gaze, humbly accept whatever they throw at me, and use this time of fire to be refined.

When you pray to become more holy, God is very generous with opportunities to do so.

Now I am less frustrated. Less angry. Less hurt. Less insulted.

Its all about the right perspective. No matter what life throws at you- only YOU can decide how you are going to handle it. What kind of attitude you will have. What perspective you will take. The peace and joy in which you live.

Right now I choose not to be defeated. I choose to be refined. Renewed. Better.

What do you choose?

Cheesy Love Songs

I don't know what to say today.

So I will rant about how annoyed I am by cheesy love songs right now. I think if I had someone to dream about when I listen to the songs, it wouldn't be so bad. But the vague, not-really-dreaming-about-anyone state makes me nonreceptive to cheesy love songs.

Like Carrie Underwood's new CD. Or even Colbie Caillat's CD. Great music....but its so BLAH in my life right now.

I had a dream last night. Its still vaguely vivid in my mind. It had one of my past interests in it. I woke up this morning wishing things had worked out...but still glad that they hadn't.

I'm still waiting for the day I meet some guy who will ignite the same feelings in me that he did. The ones that get me all riled up. The ones that make me FEEL alive. The ones that upset my whole world because they are so unprepared for.

One day I will meet someone who will challenge me and light my world on fire. But this time, he'll stick around and hold me as we roast marshmallows over the fire.

I can't wait to meet that man. The man who will match me wit for wit, glare for glare, challenge for challenge.

Actually, I can wait. I may be impatient, but I sure as heck know that God knows what He is doing. Making me wait. Pfft.

Its good for me. I'm becoming cooler ever day. Yesterday- man, I was such a nerd. Tomorrow I will be cool. You know?

Yes, I know this is random, but my TWO READERS can handle it. :D I love you both.

Wait with me?