Chop Chop Chop Part Two

So….Friday’s resolution to chop chop chop? Ya, that didn’t go so well. I spent the whole weekend texting him. Which was entirely CONTRARY to what I had set out to do…he started it though….


I know, bad excuse.

But good news is: yesterday I picked up that axe again. I told him I needed to speak with him about something important. At least the ball is rolling. I want to remember the great advice of my friends, so I’m quoting them:

“Doing things like this-- breaking things off, laying your heart on the table, saying it like it is-- is like jumping off a cliff. Ya just don't know how the landing will be. Maybe it'll be a soft one, unexpectedly gentle. Maybe he'll jump off the cliff with you-- or a cliff of his own...and you'll brace the fall together. Maybe he'll watch you jump off the cliff, and that will be that. Who the heck knows. Scary business.” –Christina

“What makes you think he won’t have something of consequence to say?”- Kelsey

I don’t know how this will turn out….when I actually do get the nerve to tell him I can’t talk to him anymore.

I can hope and pray he puts up a fight and jumps off the cliff with me, but I also have to realize that it’s more than likely he’ll just let me go. That he’ll just watch me jump off my own cliff.

Its in this very moment, contemplating my very iffy future, that I have a choice in front of me: to hold on to God’s hand for dear life and trust that He will help and protect my little heart, OR I can sit here, think of all the scenarios my imagination can think up, and wallow in worry and self pity.

I choose the first.

God help me….because YOU are the only constant in this life!!!!

Chop Chop Chop

Today marks a new me.
A day where I try, AGAIN, to cut the strings.

You, yes you, the person who distracts me….I’m sorry. But you have to go.

Now.

To all my friends who have boyfriends and busy lives…I apologize in advance….but I am going to have to pester you. Sometimes. Or all the time….depending on how hard this distraction is going to be to not be distracted by.

You think I’d be good at this detaching by now….seeing as I’ve done it a bazillion times….but I think this time it will be harder than any of the other times.

But I’m committing to making it happen.

Because it has to happen….and certain people have told me to make it happen….smart people. People who’ve been telling me this for a long time.

I will also recognize the fact, right now, in writing, that I have a problem.

I want the things I can’t have.

And the things I can have, well, they bore me.

What I will do about that problem will remain to be seen….but the first stage is acceptance of the problem, right?

Here’s to the new me….pray that I can do it. Or rather, pray that God will give me the strength to let go.

Again.

For the record...

I found some nuns. Four of them. But it didn't help.

Because I found them on Sunday.

And you? You interrupted my world on Thursday by actually showing your face.

And your arms.

And gave me stage fright.

You are NOT playing fair.

I need more nuns....maybe like a whole convent of them. With a paddlock door. I could stay in there.