The Thrill of the Chase

There's a guy that I really like, but I'm not sure if he's interested in me. I want to find out if he is, but I don't want to scare him off. Should I call and tell him, or should I play hard to get?


Possibly neither. First of all, playing games is never a good idea. A girl who is real is much more attractive than a girl who wants to play mind games. After all, if you play games to make guys like you, then when do you stop playing? If you play hard to get to win a guy, then you may feel the need to maintain that teasing behavior to keep him interested. A mature relationship needs to develop without having to rely on games.

If you need to pretend to be someone you are not in order to win another’s heart, then what will happen in the long run? The entire relationship will be built on deception. This is the opposite of love, which “rejoices with the truth” (1 Cor. 13:6, NAB). Love is patient, and it trusts that God knows what he is about. There is no need to take the situation into your own hands so that you can make things happen at your own pace. God’s pace is much better.

But calling him up and telling him openly how you feel may not be a good idea either. To begin with, there should be a season of friendship before any romantic relationship. Failing to cultivate this could be harmful in the long run, since these things need time to build. Imagine a girl building a dollhouse. She is in such a rush to play with the finished product that she glues the house together in thirty minutes and moves all the furniture in. She ignores the directions to wait a day for the glue to dry before even touching the house. Naturally it collapses. Similarly, you must establish a foundation and give the friendship time to develop.

If a relationship grows out of this, you will again be called to be patient. A lot of people become “more than friends” without spending much time being friends—which often ends up meaning they are really less than friends.

Without this foundation of friendship, revealing your feelings for him too soon could hinder mutual feelings from developing in his heart. If those feelings do take root in him, they will show in due time. But don’t take the advice of the teen girl magazines that urge you to initiate things and make up for his supposed shyness.

Resist the temptation to take matters into your own hands or to make excuses for why he hasn’t asked you out yet. There are two reasons for this. First, do you really want to date a guy who is scared to pursue you? Second, I can speak for all men when I say that we are drawn to women who have a sense of mystery about them. We need to wonder what you’re thinking. We need to feel that asking you out is a risk. When you pour out all your feelings, it may temporarily flatter a guy, but he’ll feel as if he’s missing out on the thrill of winning you. Teen girl magazines may think that such advice is sexist, but the fact remains that men love the thrill of the chase, and women are worth the pursuit.

http://chastity.com/chastity-qa/dating/finding-love/theres-guy-i-really-should-i


How do you know if a guy is interested in you?

I realize that this may be shocking for you to read, but guys are not great at communicating. In fact, beginning at the age of two, girls say three times as many words as guys do!

But do not lose hope. Although we don't speak much, guys are simple creatures. If we like a girl, we'll make the effort to spend time with her. It's that simple.

If he barely knows you, then it's understandable for him to be more distant. But if a guy is already your friend, and he's not making any special effort to call you, text message you, or spend time in your zip code, then don't make excuses for "why he's just not ready for a relationship." Also, don't pursue him. Teen girl magazines recommend this approach, but such advice is worthless. Do you really want a guy who doesn't think you're worth chasing? It would be like a princess hopping out of the castle and slaying the dragon because she's afraid her knight in shining armor is too scared to do it himself. If that's the case, she's better off locked up in the tower.

If you don't know what he's thinking, and you want to give him the opportunity to make the move towards a relationship, open the door to a friendship. If you want love to last, lasting friendship is the best foundation you can give it. After time, it should be clear if both of you desire a relationship. There's no need to rush into it. During this time, think about whether or not you're even ready to be in a relationship that could lead to marriage. If you're not, then you have one more reason not to worry about what he's thinking.

Lastly, keep your friendship with him pure. Many young women hook up with guys in a vain effort to win their interest. But the only reason a guy would commit to such a girl is if he wanted more consistent hook ups. Obviously, the longing for true love that God has planted within your heart will never be fulfilled by becoming some guy's hook up buddy. Set your standards high, and be at peace that God always saves his best for those who leave the decision up to him.

http://chastity.com/chastity-qa/dating/finding-love/how-do-you-know-if-guy-inter